A Little Rough-Housing With Dad Is Great For Children

For various reasons, some dads don’t live with their children full time. Often fathers are not sure how to make the most of the limited time they have with their children. How does a dad best stay in touch and connect with their children under these circumstances?

1. Make parenting a priority: Even when you are away, you are still their Dad. Make sure that you make time to let your children know that you are thinking of them, love them, and are there for them in any way you can be.
2. Take an interest in what they care about: Make sure you know the names of their best friends, their favorite activities and their current struggles. Open conversation about things that matter to them.
3. Listen and ask specific questions: If you have limited time, make sure you listen more than you talk. Ask questions about their lives- and make them specific. Instead of asking; “what’s new?” or “How are things?” Ask; “What was something fun that you did with your best friend, Dena, this week?” “What new skill did you learn in martial arts class?” or “What was something that made you smile since we talked on Tuesday?”
4. Know that the little things count: If you can’t talk for long, call, email, or skype anyway. Even a few minutes to show your children you care is better than nothing at all. Make a little video of yourself telling them how important they are to you or of you wishing them luck on their next big game- even though you can’t be there yourself. If you don’t have phone or internet access, write little notes about things you are thinking or doing or wondering about them- and then send them snail mail so they can always know you are thinking of them.
5. Spend alone time with your children: When you don’t see your children a great deal, the typical temptation is to lump them together and spend time with everyone at once. However, once in a while, even spending short, focused interactions with one at a time can give them the undivided attention that they need to know you care and to share with you what’s going on in their lives. This time should be scheduled, reliable and predictable, if possible, such that a child knows that every Sunday at 10am s/he has brunch with Dad or every Saturday afternoon, they go for a walk/drive/run/bike ride/martial arts class. Even a little silly rough-housing and “horseplay” with Dad can have great benefits. A new study tells us that children’s perception of how much time they spent with their fathers had the most impact on bullying behavior. (Vanderbilt U, 2011).